You have no idea how many times the thought of you and me ran in and out of my mind. How stupid I was for not giving in and "having fun." I did not wanna end up wanting more, because I knew I won't get any.

And then you proved me wrong. You showed me how I could have gotten what I would have asked for. Instead, you gave me what I never wanted: a million "could have beens" and "what ifs" and "should haves".

But now you're proving me right again. I was fine living with maybe, but you're giving me certainly. I can't help but put myself in that place where I didn't wanna go, and how that missed opportunity is turning out to be a close call. You're you and you're like that: you need security, and I'll be damned if you're gonna come looking for it in me. I hate to admit it, but I'm thankful that it wasn't me.

I really wish you wouldn't do that. Just this once, please let me be wrong so I can still think that you're worth it.

Dahil bukas makalawa
mapapagod din sila't
mananatiling ikaw
ang nangingibabaw.

Dahil balang araw,
panghahawakan mo din
ang iyong nais marating.

Hanggang kailan mo ito
kayang dalhin?

Just release the damn advancement dates already. I'm tired of waiting, I want to move into an apartment, I can use the money. (Pinapaasa nyo lang ako, alam ko namang hindi mangyayari.)

Jerwin, better luck next time. Malay mo next year, mas malaki na sa $200 yung ibibigay ko. Haha... I read the script by the way, nag-iimagine pa naman ako ng mga scenes. Well, oh well. Semi-finalist ng Cinemalaya 2008. Not too shabby. Galing mo pa din. For now, ikumusta mo na lang ako sa mga artistang kakilala mo. Haha.

So yeah I'm still tired of this sh*t. Things got a lil better but I'm not quite there yet. I hate the feeling.

Nag-iisip-isip ako tungkol sa mga bagay bagay. Pero I try not to. Kasi kawawa naman yung sarili ko. Haha.

So my friends are going snowboarding this weekend and I won't be there. Pfffft.

I have to go to work tomorrow. And on the 24th, and the 26th. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Things are just not going well for me right now. As if I don't have enough on my plate, everything keeps piling one on top of the other. Why?

My quality of life is diminishing, with the whole new area, new job, new bosses, new friends, all that stuff. So this is the closest thing to an update that you are gonna get.

I know, I feel sorry for myself too.